Lifec
by Inity
Summary: A choice not everyone has a chance to make... and, can you find out, who really are the Agents?..


[Life.c]   
  
  
Translated from russian by: The_Trinity and Infi  
  
  
to: Vadim and Infi  
  
  
  
They come at night, when I do not expect them.  
  
Well, not exactly - I'm getting this feeling every time as I listen to my  
fingers punch the keyboard typing the lines of code throughout the night -  
I feel like the door should open and someone should come in, right when I'm  
least expecting it. I wait for them to come and will them away at the same  
time, not wanting anyone to break my solitude.  
  
  
The past few days was filled with strange things: it seemed like my dreams  
were interlaced with reality so tightly that sometimes I wasn't able to  
distinguish them at all. I think that something in the Universe still  
remains an enigma, a riddle I'm persistently trying to solve, and I feel  
like I'm getting really close to that solution in the moments I'm  
dissolving the barrier between virtual and real, sitting all night long in  
front of a computer...  
  
  
They come in as I'm closing the code window opening the word processor, and  
typing in an old saying, that suddently gets to my mind:  
  
"Life would be much easier if I had the source code..."  
  
"Are you really sure?" - my guests inquire. How did they get here? Through  
the closed door? Through the window?  
  
"This doesn't matter" - says one of them. "The knowledge of our world's  
source code is a rather unpleasant thing, you know? Although interesting,  
in some sense, this knowledge is not for everyone. However, you're one of  
the suitable kind..."  
  
"Why should I trust you?"  
  
"We wouldn't be here, if you didn't trust us and wait for us."  
  
They're right in some sense, I did wait for them subconsciously, In reward  
to my painful search of enlightement, to every day and every hour I burned  
my own soul, sacrificing it to the shrine of virtuality, I did wait a  
chance to get answers to my questions that, no matter how vaguely formed,  
gave me no peace...  
  
"Are you offering this to everyone?"  
  
"Not to everyone. Only to those, who deserve it. Who can be the One."  
  
"I don't think I deserve it" - I look away, thinking to myself - "Am I  
sane? Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow, realizing all this to be just an ill  
dream?.."  
  
"All of our life is just a dream" - one of them smiles. "We're offering you  
to exchange this dream for the only reality."  
  
"I don't know..."  
  
"This is a shallow doubt. It will pass away."  
  
"We offer this only to those who are able to understand" - the second guest  
joins the talk. "To those closest to understanding the edge between real  
and virtual. Those who are looking for that edge between the dream and  
reality, to wake up..."  
  
"Who are you?"  
  
"We keep the order. The order in this world. That is the best for everyone,  
best suited for humanity itself. The Order that placed in it's base. That  
is coded in the sources. That should not be widely known. We're protecting  
the world from chaos and destruction."  
  
"And what if... If I'll join you?"  
  
"Many things. Something you'll have to step aside... it will become  
unneeded. You'll get some new possibilities instead, you'll wonder how  
great they will be. This is simply a cost for keeping the order... and  
you'll need power for that."  
  
He stretches out his hand dipping it into the wall - and slowly draws it  
back. I watch it with more interest than amazement.  
  
"To do this... one should know many things?"  
  
"You'll get this knowledge. And all the means. We all will share our  
knowledge. It will become a common experience for all of us, growing and  
changing... and perfecting constantly. All our skills and power will be  
yours too.  
  
"And I'll... lose my personality?" - I do not wish that!  
  
"Oh, no, you'll remain yourself."  
  
His voice is sliding back and forth from scream to whisper, and I am hardly  
able to tell his thoughts from my own inner voice:  
  
"You had always felt your difference from all around, didn't you? What did  
you look for, sitting for hours and hours, all those nights near your  
computer? Did you look for the unified system of the universe, an answer to  
all questions, the initial order? Did you find the structure and the common  
laws of things completely different at first sight? Didn't you seen the  
real happiness in that? You can get this all..."  
  
"Is this hard to do?..."  
  
"All you need is to understand the world as an illusion, to free your mind  
- it's not very hard" - the third guest smiles, the one standing behind  
them near the door...  
  
I'm thinking. Thoroughly thinking it out. I did wait... maybe, all these  
years... but I never expected the answer to my questions to come - not in  
THIS way...  
  
In some sense it's a transition to another form of being. Of course this is  
not death. Here you'll never be afraid of waking up thinking whether it was  
a dream or a reality...  
  
"To free your mind. To become a thought." - the second one grins, looking  
away to my computer - "To become a program. To accept a tiny piece of code  
into you... just like ours."  
  
A vague fright fills me, like I'm feeling a danger of finding some alien  
will inside my mind...  
  
"Alien? No way." - are they reading my mind? - "This will be only your own  
will..."  
  
I look around, and see the world becoming unreal. It's unsteady and  
illusory... I stretch my hand and something that was only my dream becomes  
true - my fingers dip into the screen. Its surface trembles like a thin  
film.  
  
"How did you do that?"  
  
"We haven't done anything yet." - my first guest smiles. "It's only your  
own possibilities, those that were hidden before. But you can exploit and  
strenghten them a thousand times more..."  
  
"What will I need to do... if I accept it?..."  
  
"You will know. Just when you understand you're ready..."  
  
  
  
This didn't take long. Like a short blinding flash; my room, my guests,  
myself - everything is blurred, just like a picture washed with rainfall -  
and those rain streams become green rows of letters and digits... Something  
is changed, the world is assembled again; I examine myself... is my new  
look of any importance? No, another change is far more significant - my new  
knowledge is filling me, surging through my mind. Tranquility. Confidence.  
Coldness... The world around will never be alive again for those who touch  
its source code.  
  
I'm feeling something new inside of me, inside my mind - some dot, that is  
sleeping now, but in any moment - I'm waiting for it every time - it can  
flare with thought... an order... a wish... and I will not be able to  
disobey it.  
  
I turn to computer, touching a key. The mailer highlights an e-mail arrived  
this morning... or yesterday? The "time" itself is changed. There is no  
meaning in "day" or "night"...  
  
"We've got to you first." - my friend says slightly narrowing his eyes.  
  
  
  
Day after day - the cold eternity without nights and days. No food, no  
sleep, no fatigue, even no breath. The call from inside - and you're  
already rushing ahead, evading bullets, dying and being born again and  
again, every time becoming aware of yourself, restoring from backups...  
Again and again - what for? The phantasmal system, majestic Order... The  
protection... of thousands souls dreaming. We need them. And they need  
us...  
  
The nightshade spreads its wings on the City. I'm jumping from the  
rooftop... I had dreamed to learn to fly one day. Incidentally, I treat  
that calmly for a long time now...  
  
Alien thoughts fill my mind. I hate all these speculations about viruses,  
evolution, dinosaurs, synthetic heaven... what boring gibberish! Who is  
choking the service channels with his meaningful meditations again?!  
  
I have my own concept... I'll explain it more precisely some day. We're  
Angels... Guardian Angels of the City night... Ehh, every one of us  
is a bit of a romantic.  
  
A flash... again...  
  
I still don't know in these milliseconds of time where I'll turn out to be,  
whose eyes I'll see the world through... the world I dream to see as it is  
in reality some days... the only real world...  
  
Maybe it's a pity I'd never found out what was in the e-mail that arrived   
that morning. That letter from a man named Morpheus.  
  
4:10 AM  
25.03.2000  
  
  
  
  
(ñ) Tatiana Matveeva  
(Agent Inity)  
http://www.matrixagents.net  
inity@bigfoot.com   
  
  



End file.
